Second Baptism

You lost yourself
In your baptism
Through a televised computer screen,
You bathe in The L Word and
QaF and all the other things
Because you don't have
Someone to hold hands
Through something like this
Not so straight-up promised land,
You drink whiskey straight
And put your Doc Martens on the tablecloth
And fist your Skittles
Straight from the bag
In the back of the movie theater:
Feet on the seat
Reading old biographies of NBA stars
And watching a girl change clothes through
The hide-a-scope that is the side mirror,
You wonder if your gym teacher pulled you aside to be-friend you because she knew
You belonged
You were one of her
Of Them
The Unspeakables;
Hand in his back pocket, eyes on her collar bone
Hard lips or soft ones,
Your thumb feels righter on the top of a hand.