A Mother in the Bathroom

Little Girl
Today
I read to you
While you washed in the shower
I read to you
Because the towels make you nervous,
Being alone makes you afraid -

I,
The Great Protector,
My feet on the washer while it buzzes circles
I,
The Great Protector,
Turn each page like the last diamond
I,
The Great Protector,
Wool socks, torn jeans: threadbearing
I,
The Great Protector:

My voice is the exorcism of Shadows.

These hands
That fold this laundry,
That cook these meals,
That dust the staircase,
These hands that pull the curtain closed in the bathroom,
That pull up the bedsheets in the bedroom -

These hands that forget how to write
Forget how to play music
Forget how to draw intricately...
These hands are how you know me
How you understand
They free you.
They free you.

To my Daughter in the Future

You are sitting at the kitchen table
Lavender hoodie with silver sparkles
Headphones; rabbit lovey; Skylanders Giant
You are ten years old and sometimes
I forget as I'm watching your brother flash before my eyes
That you, too, are growing up
So fast
Faster than I can count or comprehend;
It's October
And you are typing out a horror screenplay
And you are hoping we, your family, will act it out
So many things you want to see
Come to fruition
And you have had so many failures:
A stand where no one bought your lemonade
And a booth of clay figures but no one stopped to look
And a restaurant made out of black wooden cubes in our side yard
And the neighbors said they'd stop by later... but they didn't.
Your chin has not lowered to disappointment
You charge headlong into each new battle: hopeful
This time it will happen
This time it will come
This time I will...
And you believe it like older women no longer can and I
Pray with every part of my mortal soul and immortal spirit that you will never allow
Anything
To douse your flame
Oh, Daughter, how they will try
And spray you with their words
And hunt you down with their hands and fingers
How they will shout from their car windows
And how they will look down their noses and they will make fun
Of things that you spent hours creating - someday you will feel knocked down and you will want to give up but you must not do this.
Remember that girl
That ten year old girl in her lavender hoodie
With the silver sparkles
And a spunky new hair cut that shows off her faery nature
Do not forget her
Cut out her picture and post it on your bathroom mirror
She is in you. She is in you.

Not A Lioness?

I want you to be a lioness
Fierce
Fearless
Prowling
Leader

I want you to jump from cliffs into raging waters
Dive to the bottom
Strong swimming along with the waves
Drawing deep breaths at the surface
Screaming up and waving to friends at the top
You were the first one: you dared to dive

I want you to sing at the top of your lungs on massive road trips
Grip thick ropes of vine in the jungle
Break jawbones if you need to
And carry big sticks through back alleys.

I want you to hold hands with your friends
And kiss their mouths
And water plants in your own blazing garden
And sleep under the night sky by yourself in the desert
Making friends with coyotes

I want you to get on a plane
I want you to pay your own way
Pave your own way
Try exotic foods
Paint pictures with your toes
Ride whales
Swim with dolphins
Spread your wings wide over canyons
Howl at the moon like the warrior goddess you were born to be

And I...

There are days I cannot move from my stool at the counter

Days where all I can do is move the laundry
From washer to dryer
Small motions
Monotonous

Days where sitting on the porch is the only vacation

Days where I cry in the kitchen over past lovers

Days where I am invited out and instead I stay in doing nothing

I stare at screens and beg you not to

How will you
Become Yourself
Without Myself Becoming Me?