Moon Cycle.

I feel like...

Alone.

Blood dripping from inside me.  Gutters.  Ditches.  Sump Pump in the basement.

And a fog encircles my brain.

I want to be near you - but you are repulsed by me.  You are too busy.  You are too important.  You are too creative.  You are too involved.  You are only doing what I wanted and how dare I be upset about that.

I am lonely.  I say what I need because that's what you told me to do.

And it only makes you angry.

I sit on bunched up wads of tissue in the desk chair.  Feeling ugly and fat and used and discarded.

You sit at the laptop.

Computer screen blinking I sort of shrug and give up more than usual.  More than last time.

Our daughter is dressed as a Halloween dragon.

She dug the costume from the bottom of the bin in the basement and she bares her teeth and smiles and dances and wants a cup of Dragon Gatorade with a straw and rides the scooter around the kitchen island.

I don't know who I am or where I am going.

The crisis is lost on her because she has this beautiful world of imagining.

A world I used to have.  But it got lost somewhere in between making out on couches to the tune of bad movies and spending my extra money on Starbucks.

I while the world away.  I watch the blinking cursor.  I notice how empty the house sounds once you've left it.  And feel helpless.

And unworthy.