I've Always Been a Non-smoker, Really.

I find myself wanting to fix something
Like if I swing my hammer hard enough
Or am careful enough with the architectural design
I can put things back to a place that makes sense
But the dismantling...
Pieces strewn everywhere
And I am sitting in the middle with the wrong tools
And the incomplete plans
And I am not sure if I should keep trying
Or start over
Or crumple them in my hand
Or burn them somewhere outside
With the butt of a cigarette.

I keep imagining myself
Sitting on the sidewalk
The curb
Beside you
And we're both smoking
And I've a cigarette
And you have a chubby cigar
And we're talking about music
And religion
And the stupid weather
And what love means to us and the people we love
And that is
A stupid fantasy
And why...
Why would you want to sit like that
Smoking
With someone who admits they can't...

They won't...

They...

Don't want to.