7 Miracles.

(1)I can see you (in my Mind's Eye) at her side.

She is sleeping somewhat peacefully and you are sitting.  Just sitting, and staring.  Not at her, but out of the window.  You cradle your new Boy Child and you feel so lonely that you think you might explode there in the room.  Wood floors.  Flickering radiator.  Burning candlelight.

(2)And you. 

You spill your news like torrential downpouring and expect steam but get fire.  And then...  ice.  And they are gone from you now.  And resentment grows like thick stalks of fine bamboo - and you can't cut through it this time.

(3)And you.

You are too afraid to admit it.  Your face burns hot when I look at you and you know that I know.  You look at the stained carpet.  I touch your daughter's small head and she looks between the two of you, and she doesn't know what she knows, but she knows it all too well.

(4)And you...

New rage stings you like boils from poisoned arrows and you lick at your wounds but you are not sorry...and you know where she went and you hope that she stays there, and you hide in your corner, and you will never, NEVER tell.

(5)And you...

I see you sitting and look at your lovely child while he nestles, sleeps soundly.  Monitors beeping.  You have cried all of your tears.  Dried.  They live now on your cheeks, in constant need of a good washing.  You cannot control this.  You cannot beat it.  You touch his hand and it is frail.  And you look away now - wishing...


(6)And you...

Sitting strong.  Singing whole notes and halves and eighths and knowing what you know and knowing she is close to gone.  But you are a fighter and you will. win.  It is not a battle you are prepared to lose.  It is not a battle you can afford to lose.  If you lose... 

It is better not to think of it.

(7)And you...

It's been three years since I knew where you were.  I opened the Christmas card and saw only your name.  And part of me was glad, because I never liked him anyway.  And part of me was sad. 


Because you were alone.