I see you coughing:
Sick.
Again.

I feel helpless
Wrong
And...
helpless.

No words.

The lifeguard looks up at me, questioning,
She doesn't say anything out loud,
But I can read her face:
Why would you bring her swimming?  What were you thinking?
As you throw up in the mulchy flowerbed around the poolside.

I didn't want you to miss it.

I lay in the borrowed bed and stare up at the white ceiling - the kind with the little bumps
And the tears spurt out of me, dank, dark, they pour down my cheeks
Shaking my chest - my whole body

You hold your bunny and say,
It's hard to breathe, Mom.  It's hard to breathe.

I rub more Vicks Vapor Rub on your chest
It sinks in - up and down - a cavernous divet
I know what that means but don't want to admit it

You have another coughing bout.
More vomit.

I scrub it off of the bathroom floor.
Your bathing suit hangs over the bathtub:
         drip,
                  drip,
         drip...
The sound of feeling guilty.