On the Couch with my Roommates

I always chose the end seat, which is the safest
Close to the arm rest and the coffee table and the escape route to the kitchen
I could offer you drinks and soups and scraps of salads
I could pour the iced tea
The one Tami always put her stickers on to show it was hers
We laughed about it later...
The four of you all snuggle like lovers
Watching Ever After for the thousandth time
My heart races
I focus on the science experiments sitting on the sill of the window
And Stacy's plants that annoy Kathleen
And the way Heather's cardigan rests: burgundy against her goose-down skin
And I try to understand how you can assess and re-assess and continue in this sort of close-ness
And the skin on my cheeks is burning with a fierce and fiery complex sadness I rush to the wardrobe
And fling on my jacket and scream silently into the cold dark wind.