Numb-less

I thought Autumn was supposed to bring the sweet relief of mania
And now
With these meds
I feel
Empty
Paranoid
Nauseous.

Is it that the light hasn't shifted quite far enough toward Equinox?
The air yet too hot for me to feel satisfaction
Quicken my heart's pacing
Allow me to shed this heavy coat that is never ever winter

I sit quietly in the shallow water
Wishing it were deep enough for drowning.