Struggling Mother.

 I remember your tiny footprint

And thinking that we would bond forever

We would listen to music in the car

And I would tell you how to talk to boys

And how to keep yourself sacred

Not sexually, but emotionally

To take care of yourself

For real

Not just for everyone else's benefit

And today your rage slammed door screamed at father hurt me when you slammed your body against mine and

I feel helpless on a level I didn't know existed.

It doesn't matter how hard I battle codependency

Or my own demons

Or the boundaries I learn to set with my parents

Your wild hair flying

Drinking hose water

Defiantly wearing a purple skirt when I didn't know if I could handle a girly girl

I don't know you

Mohawk Boy

Hoodie to hide your body

I want to clutch your hand

I want to take you walking along the ocean just the two of us looking for shells in the sunrise morning: do you remember that day? Where has my wild faerie child gone? How deeply is she buried?