Dailies

My general practitioner said
I am so high functioning
And I don't "need" meds

That most of her bi-polar patients
Are in the hospital every two weeks
In the psych ward
And since I have never been

I do not need meds
Because my bi-polar disorder
Must not effect my every day life
Enough

She said
I am doing so well
With diet
And exercise
And therapy: unaffordable

And I have such a healthy relationship
With my husband
On whom I am supposed to be
Completely dependent: yes?

I don't need meds
Because I am so good
At closing holes
And hiding wounds

I don't need meds because
I tell myself to
Get my shit together
Three hundred times a day

I don't need meds because
I am able to get out of bed in the morning
And get my kids to school
Pack a lunch

People on meds don't do those things
People on meds can't do those things
But
She doesn't know

About throwing up going to school anyway
I can get through anything if it means
Someone will think I am worth something
What if I should be staying in bed all day?

What if I should be not functioning
But the only way I know how to
Get through a day without
Killing myself is

To get through the day.