Old Love

 Sometimes I still wish I could go back to 2014

And make a very different choice.

And I still grieve it

And I don't know what to do

And I don't know how to tell you

I look over while you're sleeping

A new mattress for my shoulders and back

So much money

Too much

I feel undeserving and starving for a Love Story that I burned up myself.

When I asked you if you wanted to go back to the way things were I meant it.

You didn't think that I meant it.

But I 

Meant

I have this image in my mind of me in the mud soaking through the cloth on my knees and tears dropping and rippling out toward you standing above me and my head is so low, is so bowed, is so down, and somehow my hair is still long and in my eyelashes and uncomfortable but I don't brush it away because it steadies me somehow, this discomfort, and I ask again to go back to the way things were and I beg for you to understand how much I mean it.

But yeah...

It was too late.